I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
laying in bed listening to christian music, jealous of the hope they have for their life. also need to beat off, can i think about you?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
I woke up on a futon in some strangers house. They were eating pizza and told me everything was going to be fine.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
