im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
He rolled up to the party in an ice cream truck. He was definitely my first priority
When you're awkward as a teenager, it never goes away. You just mask it. With makeup. And boobs.
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
