and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Just successfully went through airport security with shrooms. It's gonna be a fucking awesome new years
How can I not totally like a guy that told me my boobs were too big for me to be taught how to play golf?
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
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