this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
it's almost 8pm and i'm still hungover. at what point do i alert someone?
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
So high, just applauded for a magic trick on Hulu.
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Randomize