she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
he's super hid and wouldn't leave us alone so i snatched his phone and started texting lovelink (thanks for a well-timed commercial) that will cost him money. muhahaha
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
When you are 21 it's acceptable to run out of the tavern and puke all over the bike rack... when you are 35 it's called alcoholism.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Randomize
