just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
There was an unopened condom by my car when I went to pick it up this morning. Someone may have fucked on the hood of my car last night. Don't think it was me but I can't rule it out 100%.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I found my grandmother's vibrator, how was your day?
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
I had to dust off the condom box before she came over..
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I can handle him. I'm made of spite and hot wings.
Randomize
