Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
he/she has shaved legs and makeup on. but a spare tire stomach, high socks with high heels...a wig and glasses. and still talked like a man. it was a nightmare scenario
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
it's the amount of time you spend on preventing me from puking that really cements this friendship
Why do I feel so obligated to masterbate just because I’m single and it’s valentines Day...
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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