you shoved the noah's ark of animal crakers in your mouth saturday.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
i just saw a white kid with an afro using a martini shaker as a coffee thermos. go college.
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
damnit. I just found my cousin on tinder.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
