Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
Can't feel body but making pizza rolls
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
