remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
Apparently stoned me thought eating chips in the shower was a good idea.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
Randomize
