He's been sleeping iwht ***
Nooo
Yeah I don't even know how, she looks like her mom smoked crack while she was in the womb
And then hit her in the face with a shovel
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
Those motion detector trash cans don't work fast enough to catch puke.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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