I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
Buying a pregnancy test at Walmart in the middle of the night in the middle of Tennessee is not really how I imagined my 25th year on this planet starting out...
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
