hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
When I go out tonight I need to make sure to be really good. The Easter bunny doesn't deliver to jail
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
