It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Apparently I stole windex from the cab driver. Klepto Tom strikes again.
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I'll pay you back with progressively deviant sexual favors.
If last night was a preview of 2015, I quit.
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
