you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
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