fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
Step one go to argentina step two fuck bitches it's a simple plan really
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
well that's the third time this semester that I've projectile vomited walking to class in front of dozens of people
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize