I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Gosh I haven't been pantsless in front of anyone for a while. It's time for me to pick up my game. We need a party. I need some rum.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
He took some pill and now he's on all fours demanding we give him chips from the dog bowl. Come get him.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
