Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I'm back here naked if anyones wondering
I get that he's ugly and I deserve better but I will still beat up the girls he hangs out with.
Okay. So my choices are the sleeping Guy who looks about twelve and a man that looks like he was the original sandman. Im gonna need a beer for this......
If that's all it takes to cure your hangovers then you need to drink more.
Also I feel that I would be a hell of a sled dog operator.
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
