i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
I dinstinctly remember making out to "I believe I can fly" and waving my arms like a bird to the beat.
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
It's 9am. I'm four lines ahead of you already. Wake up.
Will you judge me if i do shots in my basement closet first? No? Okay good
Is it weird that the girl he dated after me had a child with him and it has my name? I think it means he's not over me. Or I'm really self absorbed...
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If you get home and there is an older woman there, its my mom. She wants to come and see the place after work. Just an FYI. Not the older sluts I bang.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Shaving your bikini line at 11 at night in the Walmart bathroom feels trashy no matter why you're doing it.
We should. Taco Bell definitely gives me the shits though.
It's girls night. No shame, just febreeze
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like picking cocaine boogers out of your nose at your parents house.
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
Randomize
