Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
This girl in my class is wearing a sweatshirt that says "LEAD ME NOT INTO TEMPTATION" ahaha I almost just laughed out loud. We could never be friends
She brought an overnight bag to my party. Might as well have shown up wearing only a thong and a bottle of whip cream in her hand.
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
What drugs are we doing when you visit?
The correct answer is all the drugs because I just found out they have glow in the dark bubbles.
Needless to say, I woke up on the bathroom floor wearing the dress that my mom wore to the wedding. That open bar stole my soul.
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
I just hit 3 trees and a golf cart.. all on the same hole
Put me down for a bogey
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