i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I've fallen from my one moral pedestal
Screw disneyland. This military base is the happiest place on earth. Even unnatractive dudes are completely fuckable in those uniforms, im never leaving
Last night you snap chatted some chick a pic of bottle service with the caption "send tits"
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
