I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Just got a event reminder on my phone to never party with you again.
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I just sold some kid a bong I made out of a vuvuzela for $50. I think I found my career path.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
I have a very important question for you: what are some good rules to have if we want to turn the nfl draft into a drinking game?
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
Randomize
