Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
Hey my results were negative. Your chlamydia train stops here. Happy hunting!
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
He wants another date...I mean he's cute, but I just am not ready to give up my glamorous single-girl lifestyle here.
you mean the one where you drink out of the carton and don't wear pants?
Yeah, and pee with the door open. It's the little things.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
