when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
After you tried speaking to him in whale you asked if you could see his "blow hole." That's how bad it was.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
Im sorry you'll never get the feeling of closeness when you go to pee outside and you realize you're peeing right where someone else just peed
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
Definitely went to court without a bra and panties because Mr. LastNight’s dog stole them. I guarantee you I was the only lawyer going commando in court
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