He's still on the phone with him. This is unnatural. Dudes don't call other dudes just to talk.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
she must of just birthed a child cause her labia touched the floor
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
There was a note in my hello kitty underwear telling me "don't go over 9000"
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Randomize