Have you ever had champagne poured on you during sex? It was like a rap video
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
from across the room i saw you look into your beer and whisper "i love you"
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
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