What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
How's your threesome situation going?
Optimistic
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
i look like i'm walk-of-shaming but i'm really showered and re-clothed and rallying. i fool everyone
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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