Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???
OMG HIS EYES ARE POOLS OF SEX. HOT SEX.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
