from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
I'm officially my mother.. Smoking in the garage pretending to take the dog out in a big ugly jacket
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you know its bad when everytime i put on a shirt i think of who i hooked up with in it
You know the party was great when the birthday girl gets arrested
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
It's not Christmas until you get a photo from an ex wearing a Santa hat and red boxers... And then you just respond with, "nope."
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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