I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
im at a party in sweatpants, slippers, and a basketball jersey from the eighth grade, 10 bucks says im still getting laid
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah I was thinking something along the lines of "I almost died, lets celebrate with sex. Come over"
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He gives me the same feeling I get when someone puts a margarita or German chocolate cake in front of me
I'm pretty sure that waking up butt ass naked with a bottle of 151 and a note that said "I didn't want to wake you up, but thanks" proves I had a good time....god bless America
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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