I have a pretty basic diameter of my vaginal abyss. I'm sure it won't hurt.
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
no guy is ever going to take you seriously as a potential marriage prospect unless you learn to swallow
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Interesting fact: if you wanted to rename a guy Jeff, just tell him you only fuck Jeffs. Magically whatever name he was using is actually his middle name cause he doesn't like going by Jeff.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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