I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Unintentionally made him cum in his own mouth, and he just sat there screaming..
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
