So you maybe wanna hang out again? I could use the $5
Whatever I can do to help stimulate the economy
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
can you imagine how much money lesbians save on birth control?!?
bitches.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
Ive only just recently decided that NOT fucking you would be best for both of us.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
He added me to his contacts as 'boot and rally'...have you ever been more proud to be related to me?
I can't wait to tell mom.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.
This fucking storm better not ruin my sex plans this weekend
Randomize
