Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
I know you're my sister, but I'm pretty sure I'm going to have sex with one of your exes this weekend. He's probably not gay, but I'll let you know.
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
Can I come by? I want you to meet my squirrel
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
