So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I don't even have his number. I have his pants tho
Drunk you decided to patrol campus as the Arrow and tell random bystanders "YOU HAVE FAILED THIS CAMPUS." Campus P.D. did not join your crusade.
That explains the nerd bow & arrow...
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
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