she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Meet at Walmart straight from work to buy items for hurricane fun. Then blast some wine, make some sex, blast a bowl and cuddle each other till the sun comes up?
That's the most romantic New Orleans hurrication I've ever heard of. Can I have your babies?
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
I just saw the co founder of Waffle House passed away Friday. Are you okay?
That's about the same time my life started falling apart... Coincidence?!?!? I think NOT!!!
Ok, as his sister I didn't tell you this but he's very familiar with pregnancy symptoms. So next time he calls you fat freak him the hell out by asking if your ankles look swollen.
Randomize
