Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
i'm pretty sure i can feel a baby kicking just looking at him. if he didnt impregnate you, you officially have an iron-clad uterus.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
The fact our science teacher from high school was buying us drinks and hitting on me doesn't matter.
So.. I was kinda upset i got the bad fuck out of the situation
Well, if I'm gonna go gay, it's gonna be for NPH
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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