i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
I rewarded myself with Taco Bell tonight for going a full week without punching my roommates in the face or wishing bodily harm on them.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
She said I can't embarrass her, the challenge has been set
Randomize
