my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
Waking up with a sore back because you put the team on it for jager pong all night
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
Which president had the biggest dick?
Take your time, I'll wait
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
