is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
For once I want to have sex without having to google the after effects of it.
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I'm sorry but the visual image of you suffocating on vagina is basically hysterical
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
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