i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
he passed out at 11 at a party. he deserved to be stripped down an duct taped to the floor
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I found half a candy bar in my bra today... Melted to my nipple. What a mess. It was still good though.
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