She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
I'm exhausted and I have velveeta stuck in my teeth
Did you eat out Derrek's girlfriend again?
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
we ate a 40 pack of string cheese and watched an entire washing machine cycle.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
I'm going to write a horror movie. It's going to be called "Fat People on a Squeaky Bed" and it's going to feature me laying in bed last night listening to my overweight roommate and her fat boyfriend tossing and turning all night
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
Randomize