i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Just ran into my ex in the WOMENS bathroom. He said I did this to him. Swore he never wore my clothes but said he liked my skirt. I need vodka.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Nothing like moscato in your sinuses tobmake your night complete
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
But in defense of this shit summer we've had, I totally perfected my shotgunning skills. I have achieved my summer goal.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
They are like untrained puppies reaking havoc on a newly furnished house. Out of control.
You just compared our vaginas to a newly furnished house...I can dig it.
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