I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
I'm bringing poparts in case anyone gets hungry. The trek to frat row is strenuous.
Fuck morning classes. Fuck early work. Fuck anything in the morning that doesn't involve sleeping, sex or bacon.
Dude, he sent me a pic of his dick. I thought dating a married man wouldn't remind me so much of high school. Seriously.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
the caf people were giving us weird looks and she yelled ITS A LIFE STYLE
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I feel I must have sex with him first to fully decide where my vagina belongs.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
Yes, if by 'finishing my business' you mean vomiting in her bathtub and losing my watch.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
