The producers of Marley and Me owe me about $5 million. That's the dollar amount of embarrassment compensation required for making a 24-year-old male cry publicly on an airplane while sitting in the middle seat between a gorgeous babe and a guy with a do-rag
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
i think I'm just gonna buy a new vibrator, body pillow, some guys cologne to spray on it, a life time supply of wine and weed and be done with all this shit
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Idk but she keeps giving me s'mores and I'm having a hard time caring about her alcoholism because of it
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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