TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
I need to stop researching the drugs I do on Wikipedia. The parts about abuse and dependency hit too close to home
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
Randomize
