so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
Please stop trying to convince people that you're retarded and I suck your dick in the same conversation.
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Your tequila is gone. I suggest you bring more home before you go out for dinner. Money is taped to mailbox.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
BRING ME THE PLAN B. ILL GIVE YOU A FREE WATER BOTTLE AND A BUMPER STICKER AND SOME BACON BITS
You need Xanax blowdarts
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
