It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
I think the world might be a better place if everyone was capable of having open relationships.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
She called his dick the colossus. I dont give a fuck if shes his wingman, I gotta see this natural wonder
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
Wait do you remember that guy last night asking to use my nose ring to open his beer.......
Nothing like ripping open the box with your keys on a sat R train and throwing back the morning after pill with some coconut water on my way to work at a fitness studio for free
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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