Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I wish I could get plan B off e-bay so it would be a secret and cheap.
The way I see it, if i don't fail the midterm and blow off some of the projects, how else am I going to get motivated to study for the final ?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He said bow chicka bow wow. I never thought being sexually degraded would be such a turn on.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I mean I faked it but he could answer my texts
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Ive seen a birth plenty of times, pretty awesome like a bear trying to climb out of a volkswagon.
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
