True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Ummm so I just found the baby pumpkin that was on my porch last night in Village Pizza this morning on their counter. The cashier said some drunk girl came in and told him it was a present.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
I tried to show my boob for free volcano tacos at taco bell last night. Not boobs. Just boob. The manager wasn't allowing it.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
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