I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
wtf are you talking about? You vomit-splattered the cop from the balcony. The cop YOU called because you drunk-dialed 911 because a 5 year old ate the last donut.
it was a krispy kreme
We just leapfrogged all the way to the bar.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
I AM A HOUSE CAT. I CANNOT DO THIS LION BUSINESS WE CALL THE SINGLE LIFE
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
He came over in a blaze orange vest with a case of beer and a shotgun yelling about "Dove Season" then passed out in the lawn. There he lies
I am buying anal lube, an enema, and a bag of kit kats. What part of this is compelling the Walgreens woman to tell me to "be well".
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
The date did not go well. Turns out I once set her brother on fire.
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