they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I give him blow jobs while he watches sports.. how am I not his gf yet??
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Well pretty sure I lost 3 of my best friends in one week. Remember when I said I wasn't sure if I was gonna be a better person or a more despicable one in 2012. Despicable wins.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
Learn from my mistakes. DO NOT try to steam a garment of clothing while you are wearing it. The burn is not worth the de-wrinkle.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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