allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I don't want anything calamari shaped after last night. But I appreciate the Cheerios offer.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
