That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
Also, fucking on half deflated air mattresses is a great full body work out.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
Randomize
