dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I fell off the front porch last night. Actually.. I dove. I dove off the front porch.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
She needs sedatives and a leash
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
Just bailed on her the best way possible. Got tickets to the game. Only issue is.... if we lose, we not only lost, but I skipped sex to watch us lose
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
Randomize
