I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
a girl just told me i should have been born earlier in the alphabet
WTF?! TAYLOR SWIFT JUST WON ARTIST OF THE YEAR OVER MICHAEL JACKSON?! WHAT IS THIS WORLD COMING TO?!
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
I'm surprised you like me... I didn't think I was your type.
Blonde hair and big tits is every guys type.
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
I couldn't function. I was to the point where I was using a bottle cap as a monocle.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
We had sex in the morning in pregnant lady position. Like fuck me like the hott piece of ass that I am, not your wife of 7 years.
I don't want to get pregnant doggy style. That's sad.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
Randomize
