You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
my last clear memory of the night was being offered a shot but having so much alcohol in my hands that someone literally had to pour it in my mouth for me. after that it pretty much skips to waking up face down and shirtless on my floor.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
you were angry and didn't have anything else to throw so you threw a breakfast burrito...?
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
When you can't finish your jumbo margarita and figure pouring it into a to go box will suffice... Midnight snack?
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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