just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
I'm doing my drinking workout. 20 pushups for each beer I finish. I should write a fucking book
It was platonic naked porno viewing, I swear.
So apparently my bro is going to make me fix his tattoo this trip... He sent me a pic of said tattoo. Tattoo is of a sperm, on his penis, which was in a woman's mouth... Wth
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