i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
after you took your Demerol you started flying around and talking like the robot ship on the movie Stealth. then you licked my iPhone and declared the mission a success.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
He's used the term "balls deep" 3 times in the first hour. Thanks a lot, Plenty of Fish.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
Bought asot tix too. After Saturday I'm gonna be reborn like Jesus and no drugs until edc
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Randomize
