OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
Randomize