My secretary told me she wishes she can have an affair with someone in the office (she's separated from her cheating husband)...Umm...Okaaay
i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Ok more importantly someone in a chicken costume just stepped in front of my car and started breakdancing...
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
He used the ring emoji and we've gone out four times. What is my life.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Congratulations! We have a period
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