Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
Never use fire and ice condoms with a dude who always claims he "didn't know it was the wrong hole"
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
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