I haven't seen him in over a year. He asked me to his prom over myspace. Is he fucking serious?
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
It would be like a dance party with a dick inside you. I think that's what Ke$ha wants for the world.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
I don't know if we can compare high school reunions anymore. The keg stands started before 7.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
I'm sorry I've been mean recently but tbh it really turns me on seeing you cry so it might happen a lot..... You're a pretty crier I don't get it
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Randomize
