I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
There are babies in the room i shouldnt be high with babies in the room.
She started licking your face, then you turned to me and said "I guess thats my cue", and you proceeded to hook up with her.
Man when i saw they were the only ones hard core grinding to the Cha Cha slide against the wall, I knew they were gonna have sex tonight.
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
If you are wondering why there is half eaten pizza in your pocket it's because you were passed out with it in your hand in my bathtub. Today's your b-day and thought I'd give you a good idea about what happened last night as a present
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
sorry I blacked out our whole relationship
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
Randomize
