she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
she made me cover her fishbowl with my shirt because she "didn't want to corrupt it."
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You poured a bottle of water into the salad bowl and said "bowls are a joke" and then poured it into your lap.
Someone needs to lock me in a chastity belt because all my vagina does is get me into trouble. Fuck.
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
