I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
she kicked me out for pissing in the recycling bin. I mean, is it really THAT big of a deal?
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I will not fill you in on the details until we get back, so do not ask. I got peed on by the girl I was hooking up with last night.
I went down on her for 35 minutes and didn't even get a handy. I've never felt more desire to be gay in my life.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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