wake up i wanna do it froggy style
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Hey remember that thing i said about never apologizing for being a hot mess? Well that was before you found me drunk in the hallway with no pants.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
I got a discount on the lube for giving the cashier focaccia bread from work.
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize