i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
just had to shower sitting down. i hope this isn't an indicator of how the rest of my week is going to go.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
at one point he was caressing me in the kitchen asking me my name over and over again and then asking what my favorite continent was
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I tried to bribe him with road head and his toothbrush.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
All I need to do is acquire a Shrek costume.
Please don't traumatize your girlfriend too terribly. Have fun.
Randomize
