she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
I think we did. All i know my pants smell like pong water due to the bathroom extravagansa. God I feel like a whore.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
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