i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
just rolled a joint with wrapping paper.. and you say i have no christmas spirit
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
I said geronimo as I came I'm not sure if he appreciated the doctor who reference or was just confused
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
I'm working on a search warrant...can u pick up box of Chardonnay...I'll give u cash when u get here...
Yea... I love that ur a prosecutor and drink box wine
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
That's MADAM THUNDERCUNT to you
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
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