i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
I was going to text him and apologize but I didn't want him to think that meant I approved of him being my niece's booty call.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
I should have listened to my dad and mean girls... If you have sex you'll get pregnant and die.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
I never thought I'd have to apologize for tasting like absinthe and cheetos before tonight
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
So the same great-aunt that told me to freeze my eggs for procreation just told me that I should strut around the dance floor b/c I'd get picked up.
I need to meet your family.
Randomize
