We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
you should buy a sheep. A) you get an awesome pet. B) free coat
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
He threw me a bud light and when I opened it he smacked it out of my hand because "Dave giveth, and Dave taketh away". WTF
Oh and I ate all of your Cinnamon Toast Crunch. Consider it part of your reparation payment for accidental anal insertion. I may continue to collect payments until I am no longer sore.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
New drinking game, drink every time Rhianna says "Work" in her new song.
Randomize
