sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Best walk of shame ever. Wearing a bright purple onesie, covered in smudged childrens make up, carrying my shoes and 1/4 sac of goon. I swear every house I walked past had an elderly couple watering their garden just to watch me
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
help. there is a guy in a bunny costume.
I'm gonna go take a shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
