i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
I told him I'd go cook him breakfast, but ended up passing out on the kitchen floor in the fetal position spooning the dog
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
