You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ps I got my nipple pierced. You're just gonna have to accept me for the tool I am and I don't wanna hear any shenanigans.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Where are you in relation to the mariatchi band?
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
Randomize
