if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
I'm starting therapy this week.. Taylor Swift music isn't cutting it for me anymore
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
I woke up this morning to find myself laying in a beer puddle with "I'm sorry" written on the shaft of my dick and Nicole was nowhere to be found. Gotta love her
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
Randomize
