i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
im returning my roomates shirt with a "i got laid in this" thank you note
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
You gave me balls I gave you half a boob. Fair trade
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I told him I had an IUD and he asked me how was a bomb a form of birth control..
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
