This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
We make out exclusively when we're drunk. That's like a relationship for me, right?
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
Randomize
