we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
My toast was "here's to being positive, and testing negative... Cheers!"... after that chick gagged on her shot, everyone knew.... slut.
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
the whole bar just wished me luck with my booty call tonight
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
feeding cats lunchmeat on my kitchen floor. come pour me another shot.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
