to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Because ur a stupid bitch
Actually, I'm graduating from college on Saturday so that makes me a well educated bitch.
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
I bonged champagne. And did keg stands. What in the actual fuck am I doing with my life?
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