I got chris browned last night
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
i mostly like you because you have a nice nose and that's an important trait to pass on to my future children
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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