my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
Stripper told me "sorry i'm not squezing my tits in your face much, I just had a kid and don't want to squirt you in the eye with milk. " in the middle of my lap dance
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
I'm drinking carlo rossi straight from the jug. I don't have any clean cups...how am I still at this point in my life...
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Our fuck buddy relationship took a turn for the worst after we were drunk and I punched him in the face when he asked for a three some with my best friend.
Well for number 40 i would prefer to at least like the guy attached to the dick
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
When we picked him up this morning the cop said that if they actually arrested every drunk American who pissed on cathedral doors, Spain wouldn't have any room for real prisoners.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
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