can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I think I was the only one who knew you were acting like you weren't drunk in public issues discussion this morning. Make sure you thank me in your Academy Award Speech someday.
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
I spent the morning naked in her roommates closet because her parents decided to come over after church..
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Randomize