After last night, I could never be a politician.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
i decided what we are doing for your 21st b-day: camelbacks filled with margaritas
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
Drunk me has cost me a lot in cell phones...
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Randomize
