Tell me why I go to the dollar store for nail polish remover and a ghetto black dude trys to hit on me in the parking lot, then he gets in line behind me with a dousche bag literally and that is his only purchase.
Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
"romantic friends" sounds more classy then friends with benfits
At best buy, little boy just crawled into my stall while i was taking a shit
he is the anna nicole to my 90 year-old billionaire. i'm grateful that he's fucking me, so i'm buying him shit.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
Bro. I traded my coat. I have a Raiders coat now.
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