Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
Chicken salad taco, you know, when you're out of bread and crackers, and high.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
I was just hoping for a dick worthy of his established age.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
Hardest I think I've ever had to work for a shack. Whatevs. Still gonna get my way though. I'll start respecting myself on Monday
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
he's the only real guy friend I've had who I've never made out with
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
