Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
This was worse than the time that I shot a bald eagle.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
My roommate is either deadlifting a bus or having sex. I can't tell which
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
hey dude my crackhead idol just taught me a great way to tie shoes
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
Also I know you probably did not understand anything I said on the phone last night but thank you for pretending.
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
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