so my mom just told me that she wouldnt pick me up and take us to taco bell at 3AM...
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
i never realize how drunk i am until i start using people as human stripper poles
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
You know, be my cock's hype man.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
Randomize
