I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
its a long story involving jim bean, an owl, and a knife
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
I woke up naked in his kitchen...His name is Mike and we're having a "what happened last night" beer.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
We lost you in the mall, but to no surprise we found you waiting in line to sit on santas lap. You said you wanted to ask him for a pound of weed and a subway giftcard for xmas.
I wouldn't even cut tickets or put ppl in jail I'd just hand out punches to the mouth and Liam Neeson throat chops
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
I will warn you that there is a pic of me riding a buffalo....and for the record, I was completely sober!!
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