end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
is it bad if I use the term bowl as a measurement of time, as in how long it takes to smoke a bowl?
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
Don't worry about it too much, but I just committed us to possibly raising a kid
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