I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
turns out they were just sand fleas, not crabs.. thank you random mexican girl from padre who's name i can't pronounce
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Was that not clear on Friday when I nearly deapthroated two ice cubes?
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
I piss off the neighbors just so I can have someone to compete with.
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
