Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
Well that wasnt the exboyfriend i expected to hook up with today
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I think i got beer on your cat.
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