Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Then. Omg he showed me A CARD TRICK AFTER WE CAME
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
If the world ends and i have no vodka please just kill me.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize