The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
While at warped tour today a girl was crowd surfing and her vagina landed in my face, I call that a successfull day.
Are you available to help carry me into the house Monday?
He brought a TOOTHBRUSH and TOOTHPASTE with us on our date..... I want to go home and forget I ever decided to be nice and go on this date in the first place...... A TOOTHBRUSH!?!?!
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
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