my vag is so smooth its legendary
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just saw the host of Singled Out do standup. Holy shit 1995.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
This year I'm going to try NOT getting arrested. I think the 30th birthday is the cutoff for calling Mom to bail me out.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He fell into the beer pong table and broke it. Then he threatened to throw the toliet at us if we didn't let him keep playing
You jumped into so many bushes for no reason
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
For someone I see at the bar by herself all the time... I should have know she had a tazer.
You've been inside me, dude. There's no such thing as TMI.
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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