I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
I dont know, but the way you were flopping around and gurgling made me scared that you were actually drowning in the carpet.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I just told a kid I was in a wheelchair because Santa shot me due to me being on the naughty list. You should have seen this little bastards face
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Realized it was likely to be cursed, didn't want my own Johnson magically turning into some sort of fire breathing reptile and eating me
That is an interesting fear as well as image
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
There are leaves in my underwear?
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
Randomize
