just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I think the world is coming to an end. Earthquakes, huricanes, floods, and now you say you LOVE him. Im building a shelter and going into hiding.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
