so her cute freckles turned out to be blackheads
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
the point i decided it was time to leave was when i was on the floor of the bar, after taking her down with me, and a table.
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
i broight you flpweers amd vodka. open yoir bask door
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He kept trying to make out with me but I was just trying to show him Shrek memes
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I just got promised sex at a fire station tonight so basically all my porn star dreams are coming true.
Randomize
