Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Last thing I remember is ranting about hating pants. Woke up this morning pants less. Couldn't find them, decided to leave. Driving without pants is surprisingly liberating.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
How weird would it be for me to get 1 hour photos printed at CVS of my partially or all nude?
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
We had an argument over whether or not she had super strength. She settled it by dragging me to the bed room and throwing me on the bed. Then forcefully fucking me. She won the argument.
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