I just caught myself dancing like an old lady in the shower. Have I reached the age where booty dancing stops and swaying of the upper body begins?
Is it because I queefed?
over or under 1pm before my bracket is too blurry to read?
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
If I was there, I'd make you a vicodin spiked sandwich.
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
So I hear you're taking over showing your penis responsibilities now that I'm gone?
I'm in the middle no shirt white shorts humping the white dustbuster next to the guy shooting off the tazer infront of the two guys humping on the bicycle
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I fucked his roommate. And that roommate's best friend. And my roommate. And my roommate's old roommate.
i'm bowing down, but slow your roll.
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