I'd rather watch my mom take a shit while reading the sunday new york times than watch mama mia .
Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
I just masterbated while imagining him getting hit by a truck. I have hit a completely unacceptable level of anger & bitterness. Help.
He just did a 33 second keg stand with a fractured leg, busted chin and chipped teeth from running into a parked car after winning a race.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I think I need to donate blood to see if I have Hepatitis. Again.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
Randomize
