you yelled then hung up at the girl on information bc she could not pinpoint your location and tell you how to get to dennys
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
I texted him that I wanted to be more than fuck buddies so when I came over he gave me a punch card. He takes me I dinner every 10 fucks.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
Randomize