4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Hey guys guess what I found in my bed this morning? I wish it was a man..but it was a potato
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
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