Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
You broke a window with your face. I don't think the landlord will be as impressed as we were.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
It went from "haha, this will be funny" to "full blown anime porn fetish"
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Woke up naked on a bed full of money, doughnuts, and keys that weren't mine. Unsent dick pick on phone, and cheap cigar butt on my pillow. Also...I maybe hotwired my car.
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
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