It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I love that there are toys on the counter. Coffee, tea, wine bottles, gag ball, and handcuffs.
My kitchen gets me.
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
