I just told this girl who bought a pregnancy test "good luck"
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
Dude someone puked in a bowl n put it in the fridge. I thought it was salsa! Who does that?
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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