i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I'm taking a dab in mourning of how long its been since I smoked with you guys.
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
This hangover is what we deserve after that level of debauchery.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
Lessons learned from last night: do not leave me drunk and alone with strippers and a credit card. Let's do whatever's cheaper.
Randomize
